The Masks That Hide Your Authenticity (The Real You)
And How to Recognize & Remove Them
And How to Recognize & Remove Them
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There was a beautiful exhibit at an art show I recently attended, called “Unmasking Brain Injury.” It was a wall of vibrant face masks that depicted a diverse village of survival. The base of each mask was the same simple blank canvas, but they were all designed, painted and crafted in very different ways — each symbolizing the fear, pain and journey the artist went through as a result of their brain injury. It was exquisite in the way it captured this community, giving each person a voice and revealing what was underneath the face they were presenting to the world.
It got me thinking about masks, specifically the masks we often pull out to wear in every day life; masks that hide true feelings or intentions, masks that keep the world at a distance, masks that allow us to slip in and out of being authentic — to ourselves and others.
“He often felt that too many people lived their lives acting and pretending wearing masks and losing themselves in the process.”— Nicholas Sparks
What’s the Deception?
A few years ago I took part in a retreat where the intention was to call in our soul mates. What can I say? I believe in soul mates! There was much introspection, self-examination, meditating and connecting during the retreat to aid us in exploring this. At the beginning, to get inspired, we each pulled a card from Doreen Virtue’s Romance Oracle deck, meant to help guide the journey. So, with hope and longing I closed my eyes, said a little prayer and pulled the word… “Deception.”
Deception! I was thinking, this doesn’t bode well for someone looking for love. Deception? Really? But, I took this to heart and decided there was probably a reason I pulled that card. And, boy was there. Prayers are sometimes answered in mysterious ways.
Upon going deep within during the meditation, it soon became very clear that the meaning for the card, for me, was self-deception. There were things I was hiding from and behind that I needed to work through and to let go of before I would be ready to call in a lasting relationship of any kind, meaning relationships with people as well as my work. Very soon, my entire retreat became about self-love and examining where in my life I was wearing a mask of self-deception.
The truth is, we all wear masks.
And, we all have surface as well as deep-seated reasons for wearing them. For me, my masks I discovered hid the true intentions and authenticity for who I really was. So how I was showing up in the world at the time was not authentic. One such mask was hiding a fear of wanting to be liked BY EVERYONE. And, I’d become so attached to that desired result that it was stop-motion in many areas of my life. And, the mask created a distance of self-protection.
My blog, for example. I’d become so attached to what was going to happen when I hit the publish button that I was obsessed over how many likes I got or how many people shared it. So much so, that I lost sight of why I started the blog in the first place. So much so, that I stepped away from the blog for a year after that retreat. I told myself that until I could be very centered on my true authentic purpose (my why) for pressing publish — that of helping one person, just one person, to possibly think about something differently in their life, to be inspired to change one thought and thus raise their consciousness…one thought, one person at a time — then I wouldn’t do it anymore.
It wasn’t until I took off the attachment-to-result and need-to-be-loved-by-everyone masks, explored what was underneath those shadow desires and healed the pain connected to them that I was able to put my writing and work back out into the world. It still slides into place from time to time, the mask, but now it’s transparent and I see it for what it is. And, my real intentions are clear.
Those are a couple of my masks. I’m working on removing them on a daily basis. I’ve found my relationships deepening as well. Removing that mask of self-protection allowed me to be braver in my vulnerability which made others feel safer with theirs.
Also, it’s easier now to recognize others who are wearing masks. It takes one to know one!
Masks of Many Textures
What kind of masks are you wearing?
To my way of thinking, masks are how our fears show up in the world for us. In reality, our masks are the faces of our fears.
How do you know when you’re wearing one? One clue is when you’re not in your best self and you know it, or you’re not living your purpose and you know it, or you’re not expressing how you really feel, or asking for what you really want and you know it, or you see repeated patterns in the way you relate to others and the way they relate to you where it doesn’t feel connected or one or both of you are trying to hard.
When you’re wearing a mask, you’re not present. You. Are. Not. Present.
Chances are you’ve put on a mask to hide the real you, out of fear.
Ask Yourself
What does one of your masks represent? What does the mask say to you? What is it hiding? What’s it keeping you safe from?
The first step to removing the mask is to give a description to the fear.
Such as:
Not being good enough, or just enough
Not feeling important or visible
Not being loved
Not feeling smart enough
Or of being too much so you feel you have to downplay yourself to make others comfortable
I have variations of all of these masks hanging in my psyche closet. When I wear one of them, my mask behavior can show up as passive-aggressiveness, or isolation, or deflection or exaggerated unflappability. It’s not a pretty thing to admit, but it’s the truth.
What did it take to remove my mask of self-deception? Self-trust. Trusting myself to use my voice, to trust my deep truths and to know that I am enough.
What will happen when you’re without the mask?
Try taking off a mask, just for a day. When you notice you’re wearing one based on one of your core fears, pause for a moment and then remove the mask and be present with what’s in front of you. Surrender to your own authenticity. Get vulnerable. It’s surprising how brave you feel when you trust your own vulnerability.
See how it feels, the newness, the rawness, the unknowing of what’s going to happen. It may feel a bit scary. Your “skin” underneath will be fresh and new, after all this is new skin that hasn’t seen the sun. So certain elements may sting as you come into contact with them. When you see one of your fear-based behaviors show up in a situation, try to resist reaching for the mask again. Stay in that space, pause and feel your face without the mask.
That, my friends, is Truth. Try speaking what’s in your heart without the mask. Communicating through the vulnerability or fear that’s underneath the mask helps to release it until this becomes your new normal.
Once you’ve removed the mask, hang it in your psyche closet. It’s a good reminder of what your baseline used to be before you were fully living in your truth.
If you’re feeling nostalgic for one of your former masks, take one out and wear it for Halloween.
While the Masks Are Off — Try This
If you want to further expand your thinking while elevating and operating your life at a higher level sans masks, check out my simple 8-step checklist that will help you get there.
Click here to get the free CHECKLIST right now.
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