Is This Where You Belong?
A question to ponder in midlife
A question to ponder in midlife
I sat on my patio, watching the clouds roll across an amber sunrise as the birds sang their morning revelry. A peaceful moment as the thought came to mind, “I belong here.” I belong.
It was my birthday, and I was reflecting, as I do every year, filing through recent thoughts on what I’ve learned over the last year. A question popped up.
What’s Profound at This Juncture in Life?
Shedding skin? Endings? New chapters? Initiations? Quiet moments? Surprising disruptions?
Sure, all those things. But there was something more.
I pondered this as I gazed back at the horizon behind my house. The sky was active, the clouds in steady movement. I thought about how life rolls on like clouds, moving in constant flow, sometimes stormy and tumultuous, sometimes clear and transparent. The air was still, spacious. My eye caught the resident bunny in his routine, back and forth, back and forth across my backyard. He was in his element, nothing profound, simply in the midst of his day. He belonged.
That’s when it hit me. The simple truth is life happens in the middle, in the midst of things. In between the aha’s, the grand gestures and profound moments.
Life Happens in the In-Between
Life happens in the in-between, in the liminal space. Liminal spaces are the in-between: the moments to and from, before and after decisions and choices, during transitions, and between the milestones.
Liminally, I belong. Liminally, we all belong because it’s not about filling the spaces or looking for the thing outside of us to belong or feel satisfied. It’s about being and living in the midst of our lives and belonging within ourselves.
To belong is a lifelong pursuit and a deep human desire: to matter, to have meaning. And it’s a journey where many of us feel a sense of lack, the wanting to belong but not quite getting there because often we’re looking outside of ourselves for validation or acceptance.
To Belong Is Intrinsic
What I’m realizing as my age continues to ripen is that belonging is really about being in your own space. Being content within yourself and the liminal in-betweens of life. When you do, it doesn’t matter who you’re with or what’s happening around you. You belong. So, when you’re in a situation or with people where it doesn’t feel like a fit, that’s all it is.
It’s not that you don’t belong; it’s just not a fit.
You always belong in your space and in your in-betweens. How sweet it is to realize it, to own it, and to live it.
There’s much to behold therein. And there’s more.
Nuance Enriches the Spaces In-Between
What’s beautiful about inhabiting and belonging in your space? The nuances, the subtleties, and the time it takes to notice and realize them. To punctuate them.
“Nuances are the musician’s palette.” — Liszt
Nuances are the stealth details, the undercurrent, the smooth electricity inside the moment. Or the music.
Subtlety. Slight. Refinement. Shade. Tone. Degree. Distinction. Gradation.
“Nuance doesn’t get retweeted.” James Poniewozik
Nuanced is not cut and dry. It’s the meaning in between the cut and dry. The space and possibility between the cut and dry.
It’s the connective tissue, the fibers in between. The gray areas are brought to the surface inside the black and white.
“I’m always looking for that nuance, that moment of truth, and you can’t really do that fast.” — Paul Thomas Anderson
Nuance is a careful consideration. Specificity in its subtleness.
Interesting scenes have multiple layers, more going on than what’s on the surface, more than what’s being said.
The same can be said for major life decisions.
Or big controversial topics. Or small moments in your day.
Lots of layers in the liminal spaces. Those layers are the nuances. The subtleties are worth considering.
“For me, the adventure of the mind, each inflection of thought, each movement, nuance, growth, discovery, is a source of exhilaration.” — Anais Nin
Nuanced thinking is being open to surprises in surprising places. The nuances are what make it interesting.
Liminality and the in-betweens are where we always belong. The nuances are what keep it interesting.