How Letting Go is a Four-Letter Word
How Letting Go is a Four-Letter Word
It makes total sense when you think about it
It makes total sense when you think about it
“Oh honey, life is about letting go.”
A friend’s mother gave her this pearl of wisdom after she’d had her first child. She was in a state of angst when every little thing seemed weighted and overly important.
“Oh honey, life is about letting go,” her mother said.
The idea and process of letting go can be challenging, impossible even. One of the hardest things to do in life. In fact that there are over 60,000 books about letting go on an Amazon search. And a Google search results in over one billion hits: articles, seminars, and schools of thought on the subject of letting go. A billion.
Why is it so hard to let go?
According to PhD Judith Sills, “At its deepest level, the prospect of letting go forces us up against our three strongest emotional drivers: love, fear, and rage.”
The attachments we make can be based on those same drivers. We can get triggered, so holding on can feel like the end-all, like we’ll never shake the thing that keeps us stuck.
It’s human to form attachments. You can attach to the past, or to a desired outcome, or to the fear of a different outcome. Or to a person, or the idea of a person, such as a picture you may have formed of your ideal mate.
Sometimes it’s hard to let go of a connection, particularly one that was powerfully formed. Sometimes it’s a memory that links to a painful past event, where you play the same scene repeatedly in your mind. Each time you wish for a different set of actions or , it keeps you there, unable to let it go.
Or we get stuck on what might have been. If only it had lasted a little longer, or if the conversation had gone another way. It’s like an unfulfilled promise that we keep trying to fulfill in our minds.
Or we worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Often we have a hard time letting go of the fear of the unknown or fear of the future. Because of an “idea or ideal” we have created in our mind, we project that ideal onto something or someone that really isn’t the right fit anyway. But we become convinced we can make it work, so we hang on. And hang on. It’s exhausting!
Or we hold onto limiting beliefs that have become a habit. These are the what-ifs and the yeah-buts and the when-I-have-this-or-that-it-will-all-start-to-happen beliefs. Sometimes these are the hardest to let go of, limiting beliefs that affect everything in our lives.
So what is letting go, and how do we get there?
Empowerment coach and author Andrea Quinn says, “Letting go is all about making room for something better. To accomplish anything of value, you must let go of any outcome or idea about what it’s supposed to look like.”
Author David R Hawkins says, “Letting go is a mechanism of surrender, setting us free from emotional attachments.”
To my way of thinking, letting go is the greatest way we can honor ourselves and the only way to evolve into the best version of self.
Letting go means taking control of our emotions, thoughts, and actions. Because the truth is, the mind creates the hanging on, the very root of any attachment. So the letting go must also take place there. It starts in the mind.
9 Steps Toward Letting Go:
Surround the situation with compassion and understanding.
Forgiveness is paramount — of self and others — for past events, actions, or words. Release the past to the past.
Express gratitude for the lessons learned. Gratitude lightens the load.
Stay in the present with right now and remind yourself that all that matters is this moment. Breathe into that.
Go cold turkey — force yourself, or allow yourself, to stay away from the topic or situation that’s keeping you in a place of discomfort.
Free your attachment to an outcome by focusing not on the endgame but on the journey, juice, and joy along the way.
Stop judging yourself — give yourself a break from feeling stuck. And give yourself a pat on the back for stepping up for yourself.
Write, write and then write some more — sit down and write about the thing you’re hanging onto. Get detailed about how it makes you feel, describe what it looks like. What would your life be like if that thing, pain, or fixation didn’t exist? Play in that freedom for a while. Chances are the attachment will loosen and lessen next time you think about it.
Talk to someone, whether it’s a friend who can act as a sounding board or a professional who can help you release what you’re holding onto.
Letting Go is Love
Hence, the title: Letting Go is a Four-Letter Word.
All the above comes down to one underlying and pervading force — Love. All these processes involved in letting go couldn’t occur without love.
Love is the ultimate surrender. Surrendering is integral to letting go.
With love, you have compassion and forgiveness, which are the keys to the freedom of release.
Of letting go.
Think about it. Even pausing and breathing into the words — compassion and forgiveness — creates a sense of release, space, and freedom.
This is why this phrase popped into my head: “Letting go is a four-letter word.”
Believe me, there are times when I can think of other four-letter words to associate with not being able to let go!
But then I know that my work is getting back to this.
Love leads to letting go. Letting go equals love.
Letting go is love.
So, next time you are trying to let go of something, shed a little love on the subject.
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