Feeling Stuck on Your Life Purpose?
Feeling Stuck on Your Life Purpose?
Stop saying this for starters: the language you use is so important
Stop saying this for starters: the language you use is so important
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.”
Those were the first words uttered by a client during our creative jam session. A woman in midlife, she was at a crossroads. She was between career choices and was stuck on her next chapter and what she wanted to do next. We were there to jam and brainstorm about her life purpose.
Her probe was driven by, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.”
She used the phrase “supposed to” ten times in the first twenty minutes. The way she used it so comfortably felt like something easy to hang on to, to lean on, like a habit.
I’ve been there too, so I suggested we dig underneath this directive with gentle curiosity.
Curiosity Breaks Down Barriers
I asked her what that meant to her: supposed to.
It opened the floodgates. We discovered that “supposed to” is not a very helpful proposition when exploring one’s life purpose.
“Supposed to” is passive, as it’s a directive that’s happening to us rather than a directive we’re navigating.
Supposed to, according to whom?
It means “I’m not the one in charge.” As if someone or something else is dictating our purpose to us.
It reflects the feeling of being “required to” and of following the rules. It’s confining, rigid.
“Supposed to” is an expectation. The supposed outcome of something is the perceived expectation of that outcome. It sets us up for disappointment and confusion about our truth.
It’s listening to external influences rather than relying on your internal compass.
When it comes to examining life’s purpose, it’s essential to listen to your inner voice. About what you desire and what your soul is calling you to do.
“Supposed to” is extrinsic. It’s derived from something outside you, rigid expectations that have nothing to do with you.
The external forces.
Who or what dictates this mysterious “supposed to” when exploring your life purpose?
Society? “What is a person at my place in life supposed to be doing?”
Your younger self? “What am I supposed to do now since I’m disappointed at not fulfilling my earlier goals?” Your past expectations (the younger self) of your now-self can be harsh sometimes.
Family/friends? “I know they think I’m supposed to be further along,” Or, “They think I’m supposed to be…fill in the blank.” Feeling the need to please others or make them proud locks you into the “supposed to” prison.
By buying into these “supposed to’s,” you can find yourself lost, rudderless like you’re on someone’s roadmap instead of your own.
A Better Inquiry
When the urge to say ‘supposed to’ creeps in, catch yourself. Get curious about whatever follows that phrase. Most likely, it doesn’t belong to you; it comes from external forces.
“It is wiser to find out than to suppose.” ~ Mark Twain
I contemplate this often for myself as I continue to deepen my life purpose exploration. I’ve found life purpose is about finding meaning. It’s living in alignment with your deepest desires and values. The kind of alignment that you feel in your body when something is right.
A better inquiry then becomes: What is meaningful? What am I meant to do?
Can you feel the difference?
Supposed to do? You’re not in charge. Meant to do? Your soul — or higher wisdom — is in charge.
We came up with a script for my client. Phrases she could use until her own purposeful voice took over.
Try one of these:
I’m focusing on what life is calling me to do next.
I want to clarify what I’m doing and where I’m going with my life.
I intend to do what’s right for me right now. What I mean to do.
My mind, heart, and spirit know my purpose. I’m listening to that. I’m trusting that.
I know. I am doing. I am living and being my meaning, my purpose.
In Conclusion
Because here’s the thing. Your life purpose isn’t some grand oh-my-god sea change that takes place in a nano-moment aha, and then everything after that is nirvana and different.
It’s an unfolding, an inner and outer journey, a doing-and-being reckoning that doesn’t happen because you’re supposed to.
It happens because you’re paying attention to your life, listening, trusting, and following your own map.
You may be asking, what am I supposed to do with that? Ah, and so it begins.
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